There’s always one.

From social media to customer service advisers, there’s always someone out there who’ll make you wanna eat the content of a bin.

Someone said Twitter can be defined as you writing down your thoughts and hoping someone resonates with it. I guess that means that Facebook is you writing down your thoughts and having the damn world scrutinise it. You would be amazed the amount of people who can string a few heavy words together, jump on your status and comments and make you feel stupid

Its not you, believe me, its them!! Facebook asks you a question: “what’s on your mind”, you tell it, and then comes running along, a crazed, finger hungry facebooking bastard tearing your thoughts and your comments to pieces. All you did was answer Facebook’s question. You try to use the platform to test the market for your new product or service. Your family and friends very wisely tell you the product is ‘fantastic’ or ‘its good’ which really means its shit, but NO, some dude, 500 million miles away picks the biggest bloody hole in your idea and months and months of you trying to perfect the concept turns to days upon days doubting yourself, while the bastard is sat in his room with a greasy shirt watching Transformers with a bucket of KFC beside him. There’s always 1.

Nobody wakes up in the morning wanting to call a premium number, wait in the queue for 30mins because you want to renew your car insurance. But it happens, and just when you thought life couldn’t get any bloody worse, the idiotic customer services person on the other side tells you: NO! You can’t pay online, you need to pay right now, and with your credit card. All i wanted was a password reset, so i can go back to my stress free life and pay everything i need to pay online. He repeats himself 10 more times; because you are stupid and didn’t hear him the 1st time. You got no choice but to curse him out and slam the phone down hard, perhaps hoping he has a headache as the phone comes crashing down on its cradle. But no, he’s not having a headache, infact he wont be having a headache today at all, actually he will enjoy being a jerk to 5 more customers he’s suppose to be helping today. Only problem is that your problem has not been resolved and you are forced to call back the number and wait another 30mins praying its not the same prick that picks up the phone. Guess what? It is. There’s always one.

You start your new dream job and make it known to everyone from the start that you just wanna do your job to the best of your ability and go home. You are quite good at what you do, excellent as a matter of fact. All of a sudden your boss starts to pick faults in tiny little things. At first it’s a trickle, then it becomes a daily thing. You are wondering why things cant just be, you are wondering how this jumped up white boy in a suit can’t just live and let live. Everyone else is getting on with their jobs, its a stressful job at the best of times, why add your own shit to make it even more unbearable? He pokes and pokes till you finally snap and tell him to go stick it where the sun don’t shine; Yes! you tell your boss to take a long walk off a short cliff. In the end you have to leave the job, because you cant swear at your boss and expect to hold on to the job. You cant go jobless and hungry either so you take the company to court, they settle out of court and because they don’t want to be seen as such a bad company (run by pricks), they also relieve him of his duties. So who lost? There’s always one.

Quite difficult finding parking these days, especially in built up areas, it’s a well-known fact. So much so, when you take your partner for an urgent appointment, you have no choice but to park in one of the reserved bays. A bay that is empty and not being used. Thousands of pounds is paid by the companies for these bays which they allocate to their staff. Every staff who work in the complex walk past, minding their own business because you are minding yours; besides, you are not troubling anybody, just sitting in the car with your kids waiting for your partner. You will promptly move the car if anybody need to use the bay. Then she comes walking out of her office, walk past your car on her way to hers, she looks at you, looks at the bay and look at your car. They bay is not hers but you can sense all the busybody juices in her body going into over-drive. As you expected, she picks up the phone and rings the complex management who very quickly lock the gates and lock you in. Making life incredibly difficult for you, as you have to search the whole complex for the individual that has the key to let you out. There’s always one.

Kole Obasa

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