I sat up on the side of the 4-poster king-size bed and looked out the French doors which I left open all night. The white, silky-thin curtain arched gently inwards like a sail and I felt the gentle sea breeze that accompanied it caress my face.

After a while, my mind went to breakfast, and as soon as my feet found the black suede Versace bedroom slippers, I got up and stretched almightily… I roared loudly like the heavens was pulling my hands. Then I blessed the ocean-fresh air with a satisfying morning fart, it wasn’t silent, but I wasn’t bothered.

Talking about mornings, as I stretched I felt the wicked morning wood in my Hilfiger lounge pants – it made me imagine the damage woody could do to someone’s daughter. Unutilised wood is one helluva waste, isn’t it?  Read Full Article